Love & Other Emojis

by Bipola

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1.	Her Rain (Intro) 03:02		buy track
2.	Annihilation 03:53	lyrics	buy track
Plan for the year in one word: survival Trample my fears and conquer the primal Wounds that have loomed since doomed to this tomb Sick gloom with that zoom like focus, hopeless As I ever been, broken so I never grin Openly - tight rope of regret stay chokin' me To death... Only breathe cause I'm too pussy to end it all Watched 'em build but I ain't stickin' round when it falls I won't mend no walls, they can crumble down Man fuck you all, you watched me fuckin' drown From afar, climbed a mountain or half anyway Just so I could say that I achieved something today But the nothing remains with the dust and the grey Small glimmer of hopes all but faded away And charades that I play by myself No longer amuse me, honesty/cruelty It's all the same when you're trash In the bright dead glistening eyes of the pack of wolves That society call human, but they so Truman And they show boomin' - minus the bap Fuck they Jamba Juice crew, lotta loose screws No tightenin' that, call it golden Ask me - silence is black As the hearts of the plastic facade filled Empty banal shrill empathy's hard shills Scars real as these deserve time to shine/bleed/heal All the same, each word can describe thee feel That you get from that hateful violation so bold You lie awake and crave annihilation of soul Total decimation's their goal when it comes to your heart So get numb and depart from self till the cards get dealt In your favour, no wealth for this labour - all health is endangered Selfish in anger, selfless to strangers, most helpless of feigners She didn't want me... how the hell could I blame her I don't, never did - tried to tell her and make clear But one fell swoop multiplied all my faced fears And noone thought to tell me that healing might take years Off of my life, yes always precise and sharp Minds get sliced in half from this righteous craft That I've honed for more than half my life in the dark While they shine like enlightened stars In this quite gifted life of ours (in this quite gifted life of ours) That parental advisory sticker boring Shit really oughta come with a trigger warning Parental advisory sticker boring Really oughta come with a motherfuckin' trigger warning Really fuckin' should...
3.	Butterfly 04:35	lyrics	buy track
I have never felt so alone Used to like it this way When she left she took my soul Kept my heart in dismay Desperation comes and goes Suffering's a mainstay Though I know she helped me grow Now I could give a fuck what they say Never miss an opportunity to squander one Ruthlessly I con along and lucidly I ponder on If truthfully I got it wrong or my perception was spot on Doesn't matter anymore, tell that to my withered poor Heart and soul left broken battered Harsh and cold, I know I matter Even though disposal shattered Spirit so so hopeless scattered Best friend in the whole wide planet Least with two legs - oh hi Sasha That's my baby - love her like good parents love their kids yo When she pass I'm out of here Call me pussy coward weird Freak if you like Give a fuck what you think - that's some real shit Music been dope - grew from grim hope Care less if you feel it Opinions worth as little as I felt I was when she split Seem sick it's cause I am, mind stay in the gutter man Needs a cleansing - fiend for ending this life in a breath quick Is it called cross dress if I rock a long tight ropey necklace And is that something country bumpkins might not be impressed with Honest guess is yes bitch On my death bed let's sit And pre-tend that it isn't over Dreams end wake up cold and sober Taught me to lucid dream And all I could do was fiend To see her face and tell her something Never knew that hell was comin' Jilted me subliminally Still I didn't see Foolishly figured we The epitome of symmetry Thought we'd go together on some BPD and DBT shit Hopin' she'd capiche my state emotionally Appreciate it totally And even maybe grow with me On some "please please baby don't you see" That weak debased and phony me is long dead Now there's only thee Real thing tainted broke but free Don't pretend there's hope for me To ever live a life with meaning Tried so hard to soothe the screaming Silently inside of me Drown it out with loudness now But hear it on those quiet evenings Feel that inner riot seething Feel that inner riot seething Feel that inner riot? Maybe I'm a violent being Deep down but I lie and cheat And try to be the righteous me Society would like to see Like to think I'm better But been on the brink forever And they cannot grip my tether So if I slip I'm never comin' back Like to think I'm better But been on the brink forever And they cannot grip my tether So if I slip I'm never comin' back .. said if I slip I'm never comin' back Freak show paragon Deemed broke bad and wrong Theme so sad and sombre Death rap's my genre Ain't classified at JB Won't hear it on the J's please They seem so Alan Bond, lately I'm still havin' fun with it Content to just kick it Till they attempt to fuck with it Then I'll get my savage on On some beast mode mastadon shit Shit is bleak yo, that's just honest Bucket list long, my fuck it list longer Turn this rap game into fuckin' Dishonored Stealth killin' shit, guess I felt ill equipped Way back in the day, now I'm packin' that blade That'll lacerate faces like havin' a shave with A can of that mace shit, Mortein for rapists And other wack plagues who masquerade human Then suffocate burnin', that's just fate loomin' This music wouldn't exist without her Maybe I would though, so Should I be upset or thankful Guess that I feel both, oh Not for all my little words Splendid butterfly soul Wings that make her beautiful Gracefully she fly away from me...
4.	Down So Low 04:22	lyrics	buy track
Mind street racin' and high speed chasin' One of these days it'll drive me crazy Life be sacred, what I've seen lately Has made me stronger, rising daily To the challenge of survival, the struggle of existin' In the shallow world that these motherfuckers live in So simple in their heads, to rinse away the dread So they can be happy with their perfect little lives And not have to think about the circus freaks that strive Towards a liveable reality, where misery and tragedy Make their presence felt just a little less emphatically My grip'll slip on sanity, it's blink and miss like nipple slips Mind's a slave to tidal waves, on the brink I'll sink through ripples quick Flip a script ridiculous off top, they'll think it's written if The rhythm tight meticulous, fuck 'em they oblivious Surface look the prettiest, underneath it's hideous Fuck I'm gonna do, where'd I go from here I don't know Fuck I'm gonna do, where'd I go from here I don't know Fuck I'm gonna do, where'd I go from here I don't know I don't know... Professional parent fooler like I reckon I'm Ferris Bueller But I more relate to Cam since my whole life pain and anguish Or at least I thought it was until I became a man Which changed my perspective, now I'm way more selective 'bout who the fuck deserving of my praise and attention And who the fuck ain't worth it so I plainly reject 'em Foul beasts run amok at night, beating you up on sight Cause you reek of a structured life where peace isn't such a fight Down so low Drown so slow Down so low Drown so slow And I could give a fuck about their tax dollars Like they could give a fuck if I live in mad squalor Man holler if you hear me, honestly I'm nearly through But I can clearly do what they don't want me to And it's eery dude, but the opposite is just as true I can't be fucked with humans anymore, that's a chore to me Guess dogs and cats are more my speed And they talk to me, without that awful ego They don't have to try - they just content to be yo And that's my vibe, nowadays cause the now's my age And the power changes every hour around my way Loved her even more than I was terrified to core Loved her even more than I was terrified to core Loved her even more than I was terrified to core Loved her then, love her now, will forever more. Peace...
5.	Beautiful Poignant Disarray 04:41	lyrics	buy track
Sit and I cry watchin' Withnail and I Sippin a cider, wishin that I were Sittin' beside her, knowing she's safe and sound Way back before my feelings were made profound So grateful now regardless of all that pain I found In her hateful embrace on days when her face Would frown at me, hurt at the time but now I see How it must've felt when the trust she'd mustered Fell by the wayside, needed a friend Not a needy pretender too feeble to even speak his agenda Openly, Not that it was known to me Till that fateful, rainy day When I chose to be brave for a change and show her me In the form of some poetry, just prose for me And I hope that you're doing better now You deserve to live happy and free If you hate me or feel I let you down I ain't angry it just saddens me Never planned to show her But when I had her close to me Felt maybe it was sposed to be Guess not... I can live with that But the thought of her hatin' me Straight makes me bleed from the heart And maybe it was me from the start I'm not exactly functional Can't blame it on the sick girl Whose soul is made of chipped pearls Heart too motherfuckin' beautiful for this world Most precious diamond, fo-rever shinin' Brighter than eyes perceive Soul was in emergency but never once occurred to me A single time that I could leave Never once thought of abandoning her No matter how much she'd trampled my worth Not to mention my heart soul mind plus spine and spirit Aura divine, felt blessed when I was near it And I hope that you're doing better now You deserve to live happy and free If you hate me or feel I let you down I ain't angry it just saddens me Heartbreak, suicides, OD's, who am I... -dentity crises, empathy I bleed Painful and blissless, shameful existence Rape's on the rapist - fuck blamin' the victims Love for humankind straight leaves hate in the distance Can't see beyond race you an infant If the universal you and I truly started doin' right We'd be facin' a systemic change in an instant Yo I'd give any fuckin' thing to make it right Said I'd give any fuckin' thing to make it right Or at least get a proper chance to say goodbye If I had a different heart then maybe I Could hate her for all the times she made me cry So hard, though most of that pain was hers Transformed into mine, absorbed into my soul Where it remains - no longer am I whole Sky cried tears of joy She bled tears of pain Friendship she required Never be the same Sky cried tears of joy She bled tears of pain Hurt me sure but Empathy remains Empathy remains Even when the season's change I'll never be the same But it ain't like she's to blame No...
6.	Lake of Fire 03:53	lyrics	buy track
Tainted past steeped in fear and denial Terrified of emotion so it scare me to smile All that pain my heart's feeling, merely a trial? Time to break the glass ceiling... Suspiria style But the shard in they head ain't the glass you was lead to believe Only trick up they sleeve is a sick drug indeed They tell it how it is or so the shit cunts believe In that miniscule cerebral - driven by that evil... Spirit up inside 'em, sickness need asylum help But the wicked'll stay silent, in that mind made hell And each pissy little cries unfelt cause they victims of self violence Livin' sewer people, thinkin you ain't equal? Brother you are fuckin' see through The deceitful will writhe and yell As that sickly unrighteous smell Emanate from hell... Brain's hella sick like a Shane Meadows flick There's a Shaun and some Lols, just a shame there's a Mick As well, and he's sick as hell when his dick on swell And sonny walkin' round in dead man's shoes After touchin' up his daughter Besmirched her fuckin' aura... So cunt I'll fuckin' slaughter you Your physical I'll orbit through Then conjure up a portal to A new dimension free of cruel intentions Far as true repentance I ain't seen a fuckin' morsel dude Yo when I got that awful news Swear it almost tore my soul in two But I'ma break your skull in to... A million little pieces, that Chris and Snoop treatment Her father was a fool and he repped the precinct Karma can be cruel to the less than decent Fuck you. Guilty by design Guilty by desire Guilty by design Throw 'em in the fire Guilty by design Guilty be desire Guilty by design... Guilty by design feelin' filthy in the mindstate Nothin' thought police could do to stifle up the crime rate Understatements I make like life is just a slight waste And cyanide laced well wishes leave a nice taste In the mouth of madness, that tinge of doubt and sadness Is felt ever present but won't bring me down from manic I don't think I've found the planet I belong on ...yo I'm on one
7.	Devils Burn (Interlude) 02:37	lyrics	buy track
Devils burn Devils burn Burn... Burn... Angels soar... Devils burn.
8.	Happy Days & Disintegration 05:38	lyrics	buy track
Happy days and disintegration Happy days and disintegration Happy days and disintegration Happy days and disintegration... Wrote this back in May It'd been like 18 months at that stage Give or take weeks but, still mad pain In the thing that makes me pump blood Least these days I'm not just numb and afraid... Mind process but my heart can't feel it Dead inside and the scars aren't healin' Numb to pain till it hunts this brain down Cripples me, try to run away now Into dreams where I've dug my grave proudly And beam with love for all those round me But then I wake, hand on my head Where the regrets lie - in that lonely bed And I'm bereft time to retrieve my mind Or at least one piece I could use to find New direction, may never be whole again But I never wanna fall into this hole again And I never wanna offer up my soul again To the vultures with their countless other stolen gems Guess mine ain't worth nothing to cold agenda Of the bold pretenders who dispose of friends... And I guess that I've got Nothing to really lose So I'm gon' do my best And make do with these blues Born of pain, rise again Morning rain, night and day Forecast say skies ain't grey But in my mind... The kid been crazy, parented by sweet disease They all doubt but the mania believes in me Its polar opposite I meet so frequently And in his stranglehold I breathe less easily They inner cannibal stay lookin' for beef I see Till the cows come home, but they sheep to me I ain't bout that though, and if you seek it please Remember everything is everything and peace is peace I need beats to breathe on them days where I greet defeat Through gritted teeth, with complete despair in my eyes that tear up Or they would if it wasn't for how dry my tear ducts have been for the last year plus... With no end in sight, heart's been sentenced life. Tried to mend it twice, now I just clench it tight And accept that cherished friendships die And I guess that I've got Nothing to really lose So I'm gon' do my best And make do with these blues Born of pain, rise again Morning rain, night and day Forecast say skies ain't grey But in my mind they stay... Catch a glimpse of happiness peekin' through the blackness quick Obstacle to heal when it's not possible to feel Nothing's really real, yes I'm feeling real nothing right now... And that pitch black demon's on the night prowl Push it down inside, tell myself that it's alright If I feed myself the lie enough I actually believe it Scare it till it hides in the dark pit it resides Everyone already knows, but I act like it's a secret Beats is my voice but noone's fuckin' with the sound They the ugly unwanted little puppies at the pound Fuck it then they're good enough for me and that's all that really counts I'ma get back on my feet as leopards hide in wait to pounce And if I ever do decide to reach new heights and face the ground Her venom in my blood I bet they'll find in trace amounts (Mr. Cobain, play me out) And I guess that I've got Nothing to really lose So I'm gon' do my best And make do with these blues Born of pain, rise again Morning rain, night and day Forecast say skies ain't grey But in my mind they stay... I love you I love you I love you All of you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you All of you I love you All of you Every little fucked up speck of you... Nothing left of you but perception skewed Guess I was a jealous dude, but if I saw him now I'd just thank him... for protecting you
9.	Well Runs Dry 02:21	lyrics	buy track
Got my own back in this game now Straight proud, head high... free from the shame cloud Beat should be played loud, the open hat'll cut your throat On some Kung Lao shit - motherfucker Whole album's one big fuckin' quote Life could vanish in a puff of smoke Like your cannabis was cut with coke You could up and choke and they wouldn't care Yo if this shit was breakfast club Man I'd be sittin' next to Judd And Anthony, sayin' fuck that jock Till that sucker stop with the ego That straight edge swagger be Fuckin' cringeworthy If this record was a TV show... Yo it be bingeworthy Or maybe it be binned early Bluth family steez, true tragedy On some get rich or try dyin' shit I lie, I admit it but I might try and quit it Truth when it matters though sometimes it shatters Those fragile illusions leaves you with mild contusions Which child you losin' and which child you keepin' That's kinda how it feels choosin' which cuts to leave in And which ones to banish to the cutting room floor Like "Sorry little buddy, I ain't love you no more" Ain't shit fair about love or war, cliches fuck 'em all Then again that too is a cliche these days Beats play in my cereb state on replay Sonic Youth Superstar steez Hey
10.	The Brave & The Broken 05:20	lyrics	buy track
All I want for Christmas is euthanasia But I'll settle for a slit wrist, noose or razor Yeah death is on my wishlist, the devil's got a hitlist And god is such a dimwit he'll offer up the kid quick Long as others live, shit.. Ain't I got a say in it Made my bed and laid in it, a coma if you will But still woke up awful ill, With those same old morbid chillin' thoughts Like villains oughta win at a killin' sport, concealed my thoughts Inside this living corpse whose only animate side Exists to save my zombie brain from being cannibalised Plan to survive but my plan B is die If that axe in my mind gets too graphic at night And the weight of my regrets is too great to try and exercise these demons So intent on staying alive at the expense of my own breathing Nowhere left to hide, the season's change has rearranged my feelings Now I'm feeble shaken weakened And can't even place the reason why I feel I have a need to die and take my place beneath the sky But when I see their faces deep in mind And see them break believe I cry Weep and shake and wheeze till my Spirit aches to breathe inside Then again it already did... even back when I was a kid The heart that never counted, then depression found my manic soul Forced it down the rabbit hole, taught it not to have a goal Other than a happy whole which sometimes felt achievable In fact the only reason that I'm even breathing still Is that little dream they killed or tried their very best to... Then they said their hail mary's and bless yous But I know it's farce like noah's ark Got nothing to confess to Other than being too kind for my own good Too good for my own kind Too quick to believe in that little fairy tale called mind Forget happily ever afters, please I'd be happy with severed arteries In a state of pure bliss as I bled out Still a step up if I head south Cause hell's got a place for my head now And it can't be much worse in the dead ground And yo I'm on the saddest path, yeah best believe That I done put the tragic in trajectory Thinkin' back, all the times that I've tried to escape my mind What they call suicidal I call the daily grind What they call suicidal I call the daily grind What they call suicidal I call the daily grind What they call suicidal I call the daily grind They call suicidal, I call the daily grind Judge me I do not even know who I am anymore I do not even hold onto hope anymore I do not even know who I am anymore Not that I ever did... Spoken word outro (wrote Nov 2018) Happy Raps 101 Wrote November 2017 Singlehandedly cured my mind AIDS for a solid month or so Never thought I'd actually be rappin' this shit Then I made this beat mid year - happened to fit Just so it ain't too weird... I'd never hack at my wrists I'm way too much of a squeamish lil bitch Rest assured if I was ever gonna actually end my life I'd do it in the easiest most half arsed way possible That wouldn't involve anything gross Like blood Or suffocation Or splattered concrete Regardless what I said here I'm glad I exist And if I tried I'd probly fuck it up Wake up in the hospital knackered as shit Brain damaged a bit Ain't that just some shit Damn right I got issues Now I'm finna get my emo on Even more... Grab some popcorn And some tissues If you got a human heart like the rest of us.
11.	Boys Don't Cry 05:28	lyrics	buy track
Oh... Don't you cry... Oh... Don't you cry... Please don't cry for me when I am gone I died in peace and I moved on To a better place, free from the hell I faced daily Done lettin' Leatherface chase me Down and make me frown That depressive state ain't me Maybe all that repressive rage Festered way too long... Never do what feels right Only ever choose wrong Letter from a peasant's grave Somewhere in between heaven's gates and the devil's place Known as my mental state Release hellish pain through song And hope that it makes a difference Pray my fate's deliverance The energy it takes to live this Deeply troubled life is gone Need help but I won't admit it Least outside these fuckin' songs I'll never be the same May never breathe again Made a promise to myself not to cry on this joint Think I'd know better than to try at this point Blood sweat and tears nah it's drugs sex and fear That I put into my written work And honestly this shit berserker Than some shit from Clerks, life sucks so much dick it hurts I'm not even supposed to be here today... Though I'm four parts Randall one part Dante Nah I'm more like Silent Bob mixed with Jay If he happened to lose his voice that day Beats sublime guess they speechless I'm Gonna take it as a compliment They hate is my accomplishment That statement is preposterous cause really it's indifference And I'm the one that's hating cause I feel so insignificant Entitled to their ignorance and I too am a hypocrite Don't know everything but I know that I am gifted with The shit I script ridiculous just wish I'd get a little bit Of love... I'll never be the same May never breathe again I'll never be the same May never breathe again Broke a promise to myself not to cry on this joint First four lines that I'd write for this joint Had me blubberin' like an angry sufferin' infant Surrounded by love - so oblivious To the pain he's shielded from Hope they never make the mistake Of tellin' him his feelings wrong Ain't a problem child but a child can have problems too It's his party and he'll cry if he wants to dude He got his little dreams so simple so sweet and cute And if his tears were dollars I bet they'd all come true But the fact is they're worth far more than that And the fact is you're blessed far more than cash On those testing days never question faith In that boy who simply won't accept second place Bet he'll take after his uncle in the best of ways And love his little brother more than words could ever say -- Acknowledgment: "Never do what feels right, only ever choose wrong" is an homage to the classic tune Downhill by Fatty Phew.
12.	One Day This Will Be Worth Something 05:30	lyrics	buy track
I don't wanna fight with you I don't wanna hurt my friend One day this'll be worth something to you all I ain't tryna lie to you I just want this all to end One day, this'll be worth something... She wake up every day tryna shake away the grey The pain of her charade, and that inner shame parade That she livin' day to day, most women ain't as brave Or as beautiful - tortured, unusual Awfully suitable for veneration Less awkward at funerals than celebrations In the morning she do a little meditation Forced pharmaceuticals her medication Along with that hella brazen bud she blazin' Helps with the sitch she facin', sticky ain't it Difficult liquor got her ruminatin' Every Saturday morning that's a rude awakenin' She through with takin' shit From the dudes that don't deserve her But got a guy that do, only twenty five plus two And he truly comin' through for her on the regular Makin' true believers of former competitors - I'm sorry Pray that she don't break him too He got a lion's heart so true Loves her even more than I do That he's proved Ain't infatuation boo Clearly he's in love with you What the fuck'll you do when things break in two Escapes his human horrors with a made up movie genre But try as he might, he can't evade the truest monsters He'll fight for his life, yeah known to get down and scrap Cerebrally, see his mind like a knife Straight tearing through any threat Any size man'll get cut down, he'll handle it By the blade dangerously Treats life like a game blatantly Bizarro world Streets of Rage, final stage basically And the timer say maybe three seconds Till you die in vain Hides the pain amazingly well But the shame you can tell it's there Sort of a nervous air Thought of as worthless where self is concerned aware... Socially retarded, openly discarded by the norm Takes pain and soulfully imparts it with a storm Of emotion sickness, black lit ballroom's in motion bitches Now dance to this... One day this'll be worth something to you all No one... No one at all... No one's there to ever catch him when he falls (Last 8 bars not included for personal reasons)
13.	Slowdive Till Sunrise (Outro) 11:36	info	buy track